Monday, May 5, 2014

My Daughter Turned Me Into A Girl

I am the oldest of 3 girls. While my mother had a full time job and was involved in church activities a lot of the time, she was still there to talk to me about what being a girl meant, all the fun little details we dread. But as things turned out I spent a lot more time with my father and his car club, which I believe influenced me to be more of a tomboy. I wore a lot of baggy clothes because I wasn't happy with my body type, I found male super heroes to have more interesting stories, and the only women that I really liked wore trying to fit into a man's world i.e. Xena, Dana Scully, Captain Janeway, and Captian Samantha Carter (don't get me wrong, I also saw them as strong women just making it in general, but the pant suites didn't help). I always got along a lot better with the boys in the neighborhood, never having more than two female friends at a time until High School. It wasn't until I began dating the man that would be my husband that I even began to start thinking of myself as a real girl. Suddenly someone was interested in my looks! My dad was shocked at the tight jeans hidden under the hockey jersey. Makeup didn't come into play but once every three years for very special occasions; Senior Prom, the night he proposed, my wedding!

So when I found out that we were going to have a little girl the second time around, I cried. Sure I can pass it off as I was just happy to know what gender this little creature we had waited so long for was. But the truth is, I was terrified! What if she liked dresses? Better call up my friends for makeup advice! Worse: What if her dream is to be a ballerina or cheerleader!? I had no idea what I was doing! The most I did for date night was paint my nails, throw on a skirt that I felt nearly naked in, and put on a little eye makeup. I do feel at home in heals, but that has always been more for showing off and hiding my height issues.

I remember barely being pregnant and going into Toys'R'Us for a gift for a friend's daughter. My husband left me to look at another Nerf gun for my son, an aisle I feel totally at home in. But I had to find a gift! So I stood in the little girl's aisle, looking at all this pink! I literally began to have a panic attack. My husband came back to find me sitting on the floor, staring at five different stuffed dolls wide eyed and non-responsive. I admit, I over reacted, but I couldn't help it, girls terrify me!

How does someone like me make it through being a mom to a little girl? I had the right little girl! My daughter loves to tackle her brother, and I am not talking about just running at him, she actually looks like a little football player charging a guy! She runs down the toy aisle at a store and her eye is first caught by the fighter planes painted camo meant to attract boys! Her favorite thing to do to me is to run up and burp in my face or fart on my lap while we snuggle! She is the product of a house that is used to being centered around a boy. But you know what she wanted for her second birthday? Little Mermaid. Nothing else would do! While she is running around the house in her big brother's baggy athletic shorts, she has on her little princess dress heals. Every night after a bath to get all the mud off, she selects a new pair of earrings to wear the next day. My daughter is a perfect mix of attitudes that catches me off guard, makes me laugh, and comforts me.

Every Saturday we sit down and paint our nails because she just loves switching colors. I am slowly learning new ways to do my long hair so that when she gets older I will know it all. I pick out cute outfits for her every day and it has rubbed off onto me picking out stylish clothes for myself, when I can afford it.

But she hasn't just made it so that I embrace the little girly things I shunned when I was younger. She has made me comfortable in my own skin. I am working on getting fit, not so that she can see me skinny, but so that she can see me happy. I don't want a six pack of abs, I just want to smile when I have to put on a bathing suite. Her fascination at "that time of the month" makes me realize it is something that is perfectly common and sets me out as a healthy woman in my prime. The way she watches me with her brother and the other kids I watch fascinates me as she passes it onto her babies and makes me proud of my job, something others seem to take for granted. And the way she is delighted in the bits of my religion she sees renews my own delight in worshiping a female figure.

No longer am I terrified of her getting older and girlier. Instead I am eager to show her what all I know and have learned over the years. A whole world of wonder awaits a young girl, and I get the pleasure of introducing my daughter to it with pleasure! Yeah, society has made it difficult on being a woman in today's world, but if mother's can stop listening to what society thinks a woman she be and just lived how they were happy, girls would be in much better places as they grew up, just my humble opinion.

So I look forward to the challenge of raising a little girl. I hope other mothers are just as excited! Has having a girl made you different? I want to know! Or have you always been into the girl scene and have had a boy? I bet it is just as challenging for you. Let me know!

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