New Year, New Plans

How many of us have made New Year's Resolutions that don't go anywhere? Plans to do things like eat better, work out more, clean out the negative, and then two months into the year they are gone, forgotten, labeled as actually unobtainable and why did we even bother? I did it every year until about 2014 when I decided that I would give myself 1 thing to change and that would be it. In 2015 the only changes I made were lists in my journal: a spot to list what I was reading, a line for what I was thankful for each day, what I thought of the new movie I watched. Things I could write or not write but that I saw daily because of my journal. I still didn't stick to these things through the year, but when 2016 rolled around I put all the same captions in my journal and tried to fill them all in once more. Because these are little things, notes about my daily life that I feel that I can admit to. I won't be able to work out every day because I don't always have the energy. I can't say I will eat healthier because there are days that I don't eat at all. I don't make resolutions because when my depression hits and I don't want to do anything at all, I feel like more of a failure for not doing something I told myself would stick this time around. But I can give myself permission to leave a page blank in my journal because that is my safe space. I make resolutions that I tell myself I am allowed to stutter on because I can always try again tomorrow. Because I am trying to give myself a little slack.

This year is more of the same. My main personal resolution is giving myself a set of goals for each day, things that I want to get done before I go to sleep that night. Most importantly they are things I believe are possible to manage in the day to day, like finish reading the book I have been working on for two weeks and only have 10 pages left. Write that blog post about said book. Do that load of laundry all the way through so nothing wrinkles. And more than likely there will be days that "Get out of bed" is the top goal. Because I give myself permission to have off days, to struggle, and to make getting to a better place a top priority and something to acknowledge. Daily goals rather than something I am expected to do every day for the next year.

My other big goal for the year is pictures. I read in Health Magazine that the University of California did a study on taking pictures: smiling selfies, things that made them happy, or something to make someone else smile. After taking the photos the students felt happier. And I thought, that's easy! I take pictures, I love taking pictures, I wish I took more pictures! And I want to do this. So over on my Instagram (had it, never, ever used it) I am going to take a picture every day that fills this study, and maybe, for a few moments every day I can be a little happier. Feel free to come follow me @mommachristy2 to see what makes me happy and share your own pictures. I am using the label #happypics for this series.

I also have smaller goals that I would like to manage this year, things I can do sporadically enough that maybe I can manage them. Like writing letters to people I don't get to see, because it's great to know someone is thinking of you and everyone gets a little excited these days when they get snail mail! And I want to write daily again, even if it's just an outline for a story idea I may never get around to, it will get my creativity working. And blogging! I am going to try to post on this blog more. 2016 saw 58 new posts on my book review blog and nothing here since March. I want to change that since so much of my world revolves around me as a parent.

What will I be posting here? What do you have to look forward to in my parenting adventure?

Once a month my family and I will be cooking up a new recipe for our family night. All four of us in the kitchen, trying our hand at creating something new together. It should be interesting, to say the least! I will try to have pictures along with these posts.
We will also be trying to do something of a service project once a month. Whether it is helping out at a local shelter or taking dog food up to Noah's Ark. We want to teach our children to pass on the love, and we think this would be a great way to start. I don't love the idea of sharing these projects because it feels like bragging about what we are doing. BUT I want you all to see what they kids do, what they learn from these events, and maybe give you an idea of something to do with your own kids. So I'll be sharing these days as well.
We also ambitiously plan to have a family night out once a month. Maybe discover new things in our area through changing our nights up. So pictures and notes about the places we go will definitely be shared.

It seems like we have a lot planned for this new year, and maybe we won't stick with it all, but I look forward to trying. This year is going to be about getting back to our happy place as a family and for me as an individual. I invite you all to join me on the journey!

Our first #Happypics of the New Year! The birthday boy is ten!

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An Epic Nerf Battle!

On Saturday March 12th, we got the awesome opportunity to participate in one amazing event!

Jared Guynes is a resident of North Texas who saw the damage done in December 2015 to the Garland and Rowlett neighborhoods by a particularly bad tornado and decided to help out where he could. He had been trying to get together enough people for a couple years to break a world record and then he thought, why not do this record thing and help my friends and family with their problem at the same time. So he worked tirelessly for months, pulled in all the right people, and organized the World's Largest Nerf Gun Battle.

Hosted at the Dallas Cowboy's AT&T Stadium in Arlington, the event was attended by over two thousand people. Let me give you the numbers right quick:

Verified Participants in the Battle: 2,289

Verified Guns Used in the Battle: 4,394

Guns Donated to local Children's Shelter: 112

Donations to Tornado Relief Funds: *Yet to be completely counted*

This was a huge event in so many ways! 

My friends and I saw the event and thought, this is awesome, we want our kids to have a chance to break a world record. We did not expect this. Not only did we break a record that is going to be really hard to beat again, we made an impact. Thousands of dollars are going to go to helping people rebuild their lives. Over a hundred guns went to kids that probably don't have much to their name. We made some awesome new friends. And it has inspired us to get together our own group for a Nerf Club so that we can continue meeting up and having battles. Plus, I went to an even with way too many people, got down on the turf amidst these strangers, and so did not have a single panic attack as my son continually got lost in the crowd, so there's my personal win!

A huge shout out to Jared for doing this. For the people getting the donations. For the families that got to experience it. For everything!

Here are my pictures of the event. Although I am sad to say my phone died early on and I didn't get as much as I wanted. But here is the Facebook Page of the group if you want to check out other's pictures of the event. 

I will also be posting a separate post when we get Jareth his Guinness World Record certificate. So check back for that!

 Pre-Game Carb Loading at CiCi's!

A Little Target Practice!

People Getting Ready for the Battle in the Parking Lot.

AT&T Stadium!

 Loki Made An Appearance! 

Getting Geared Up!

 A YouTube-r There for the Event. This is Kolton.

Obstacle Set-up on the Field!

T-Rex showed up!

 So. Many. People!

Making Our Way Down To The Field.

Waiting for the start of the Main Battle.

This was part of the group picture that you can't see us in.

The Guinness World Record Official!

After the Main Battle. So many bullets!

Kid's Only Battle.

There were more battles. The Rival Only. The Elite (Or traditional guns) Only. The Jolt (Single shooters) Only. Someone from our group participated in each one, and actually I think Jenn was in all of them! 

At 10 we started to pack up our guns and get out of there. And it wasn't until the next day that I saw the announcement. We broke the current record! We will get our official certificate soon, one with Jareth's name on it so he can hang it on the wall to show off. We did this! And it was one of the greatest things we have done. Now I just have to find something similar for Livia to participate since we elected to have her stay with Gamaw for the night. If you hear of another record to be broken, let us know!

My Mother's Day Gift to Myself

Mother's Day is that one day a year that we are kinda forced to pay attention to our mothers, give them a little appreciation for something they do all year without a second thought. We buy cards and little gifts, inadequate tokens to show how much we love them and are thankful that they agreed to go through the horrors of childbirth only to then spend the next (at least) eighteen years raising us. Sometimes it is the only time that some of us stop and appreciate all they do. I fully believe that this day does not do mothers justice! It is both necessary (we really do need to stop and realize what others do for us every now and then) and insufficient (seriously, for all mom's do, one day is so not cutting it). And I say all this from the point of view of a daughter.

As a mother I really do like having a day that my husband forces my kids to be nice for as long as he can. I love that all my non-mother friends tag me in their little posts, reminding me that they are ok with my endless posts about my children that clog up their newsfeed throughout the year. I like getting the phone calls the next day from my two best friend to tell me what their kids did for them and my other best friend (who is not a mom) to tell me what her and her siblings did for the woman I see as a long distance mother myself. I adore the cute little videos that try to capture what a mother is and all they do, the ones that make everyone cry, almost making me as a very emotional mother seem normal with my constant tears. And I thoroughly enjoy the almost painful laugh I get at the yearly vids of men going through that labor simulator (thanks Try Guys)!

But what about the rest of the year? The other 364 days when we are up early to get everyone else ready for their day. I don't get my first cup of coffee until I have been up for an hour, what about you? Or that constant cycle of cleaning because no one is capable of cleaning up after themselves? The late nights and long days? The taxi service and chef's kitchen? I've poured and set out snacks for five other boys running through my house because Jareth invited them over. Birthday planning, dinner hosting, lunch packing, two-cart grocery shopping! Chocolate covered cherry secret moments and laughter filled truffle time. Morning cuddles with a full bed of two kids, two dogs, and a husband still asleep enough to think he gets to stay in bed. Random hugs. Yelling matches. Spankings and temper tantrums and "it's not fair"s. Begging for this toy or that snack. Only Mom can hold me because I am sick, clingy, and want only her. Mom does it this way. Mom said I could. When will Mom be home? All of this comes with being a Mom and we do it all on demand because we have to.  And that's all ok!

The thing is, being a Mom is pretty tiring. It's hard. It's stressful. And sometimes I really mess it up. There are days when I barely roll out of bed, only doing so because if I don't there is no one else to get Jareth up for school. When my husband stays the night with a buddy so the drive to work is a little shorter and he can get a little more sleep, Livia and I spend the whole day in bed watching YouTube. Some days I wake him up an hour early because I really don't think I can handle the kids by myself any longer. I don't cook very often, partly because I can't and partly because when I can the smallest negative comment says to me that I can't do anything right. I hate playdough because the colors mix and it sticks and my OCD just can't take it (Livia is 3 and loves it and I am just now fighting myself to let her play with it). Jareth could make his own lunches when he was 5 because there were mornings I couldn't get myself to do it for him. Livia eats pepperonis every day for lunch, because she loves them and because they are easy to serve. Wild Banshee Wednesdays originally started because I needed a day to turn the music up too loud and drown out the outside world and push myself to play with my son. Jareth asks for hugs, waiting a moment for me to turn and open my arms, because he knows I don't always like to be touched and I have to prepare myself. I cried the day Jareth turned to me and said "Mommy, I love your laugh, it's pretty. I don't think you have laughed all day. I am glad you did now."

Why am I telling you how bad I can get? Because it is ok. This is my Mother's Day gift to myself: being ok with the bad moments. I am allowing myself to have off days. I want you to know that I know I am not perfect and I am coming to terms with that. I have my issues, I am dealing with them, and that's just how it is. And it's really ok if you are the same way. It's going to be just fine if you can't handle everything all the time. The thing about Mother's Day, we aren't being reminded to love our mothers, we are being reminded to let them know that we do. My kids love me through the hard times. Livia sits with me all day in bed, rubbing my ear, giving me a hug or cuddle, and still wants me to spend the day with her again tomorrow. Jareth curls up on the couch with me, asks how I am doing, and watches my show because he gets it. My husband goes without a little sleep, helps a lot more than he should, and makes sure to give me an extra tight hug when he can. If they are ok with me, the three people that matter the most, than I need to be ok with me, too.

So today don't forget to tell your Mom that you love her, that she rocks, that she is the coolest Mom ever! And if you're a mom, take it easy for a day! I get that you probably can't have the Hallmark Day of Relaxation, but you can take a breath, give yourself a thumbs up, and remind yourself that you rock! Being a mom is tough, you can't call in sick, you can't take a personal day, but you can allow yourself some slack on the whole being perfect thing. Share my gift with me, be ok with being just ok. You're doing a great job!

So what did you get or do today? Let me know that you are ok!

Happy Mother's Day

National Suicide Prevention Week

"You're young, healthy, have a beautiful son, no bills, and no job. What do you have to be depressed about?" Those words were spoken by someone who, while he loved me, had no real understanding about depression. And they are words that have stuck with me over the years since they were first said. He was right. At the time I had everything I could ask for (no job was because I wanted to be at home with my son instead) and by all intents and purposes I should have been very happy with life. Yet I found it hard to get out of bed in the morning, spent most of my day curled around myself in a chair, only hugged my young son when I couldn't help it, and disappeared into my room whenever I could. I knew the symptoms well because I had gone through the same thing many times over the years, but it didn't mean that I had any idea of how to really handle it.
I consider myself very lucky when it comes to depression. While I have had several bouts with it they have been fairly short ordeals, the last one lasting only two weeks before I was able to recover myself. As I deal with it I find it easier for me to hang on to the world, able to go about my day to day life with very little effect from a sour mood. I have a very mild case. And with a family to think about I know that this is a blessing.
That was not the case when I was younger. When my parents got divorced I moved with my father to a very small town in Texas. I was fortunate enough to find a small group of friends that would become vital to my struggle until graduation five years later. I had a very support father that encouraged me to be who I wanted to be. Again, I was blessed. This did not stop people from making fun of and bullying me for most of that time. I was very different from nearly everyone at the school. My choosing to study paganism led to a lot of pain on my end. It was tough. I entertained thoughts of suicide on numerous occasions. Luckily I am too much of a wimp to go through with anything and I had one friend in particular that understood what I was going through and helped keep me sane, because she had been there too.
All of this has made me a much stronger person today. And as a mother it has prepared me for what I may face with my children one day. I am very blessed to have made it this far and discovered what I have.

Not everyone is so lucky. There are so many people out there suffering in silence. Some even suffering out loud that still feel utterly alone. Too many people do not have the resources and support they think they need to make it out the other end.

September 8th through the 12th is National Suicide Prevention Week. As part of an effort to reach out to those who may think they have no other choice, I am going to participate in the campaign started by the non-profit organization "To Write Love On Her Arm" (TWLOHA) for this year. The theme, as you can see, is "No One Else Can Play Your Part." As part of this I am going to find a reason I am special for each day of this week, I challenge you to do the same! Why can no one else be you? What is your reason for staying?

I also want to encourage everyone to follow TWLOHA on Facebook and/or Twitter. Each day they post someone else's statement along with posts from their blog. They also give people resources and ways to help others. No matter what your connection to depression and suicide is, they will point you in the direction you need.

Maybe together we can help the growing number of people who battle depression find a safe place they can turn to. Those of us that have the ability to stand up need to do so for those that can't. Put a smile on your face when you go out because maybe it will brighten up someone's day enough to make it to tomorrow. Stop your harsh words before they are said because you don't know the battle that person has been facing up to that point. Open your mind to the possibility that diversity is a blessing, not something to single someone out on belittle them for. And always remember that no one can play your part, not in your story of the story of others. Make that part memorable and beautiful!

Resources and Links -
To Write Love On Her Arm
TWLOHA Blog
Find Help

Why TWLOHA?
I use this particular group because they offered help when I needed it. I have "OneLove" tattooed on my arm because of them, but with my own personal take. There are, however, many more groups out there. I encourage those that need it to find the group that will help them most with their struggle. All that is important is finding the support you need!

Monday - 
No One Else Can Play My Part because no one else can understand them like I can!

Tuesday - No One Else Can Play My Part because I think I give the kids I watch something special. There have been many and they have all been great! These are my current ones: Landen and Hunter.

Wednesday -

All Day Harry Potter Marathon

List Items - #14, #16, #26, #29, #28, #33, and #77

Item #14 - Have breakfast in bed

With DH having to work nights we don't often all wake up at the same time. But due to an over-crowded schedule the day before, we were able to plan it so that the day started early for everyone. We were all still up in stages, but close enough that we could actually eat breakfast together! But we wanted to get started on the movies so we made a giant bed in the middle of the living room on which to have breakfast! I made homemade donuts and we sat down to the movie!

Combined Items #16 - Have a scavenger hunt AND #26 - Have a movie series marathon

We have been trying all summer to find a movie series that we could get our hands on without having to shell out a ton of money and that we could all agree on. It was a hard one! Finally we came across Harry Potter! Jareth had not yet seen them all but was willing to since he had liked the first one and my sister happened to have all of them! But then we decided to take it a step further, give him something to focus on for each movie, and have a little fun with them. So we did a scavenger hunt, making him "unlock" each movie with something to find! He loved it! Here are the movies we were able to make it through.

[NOTE: I do not recommend long series with younger kids, they get antsy. As you will see we went outdoors and did something to stretch between each movie and therefore did not finish the series.]

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

I know the "stone" is the wrong color, but we used only items we already had in the house! This is my quartz crystal.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

The only problem with this one was of course Jareth wanted to read my journal to find out what it said! But we distracted him with the movie!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

We had to give him a couple of clues since he had no idea yet what a time turner was, but it was still great fun!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

While this object was in plain sight, as they all were, it was high up and hard to reach. We gave him a lot of help with it!

And that was as far as we got since the in between activities took up time. But the kids sure crashed hard when it was time for sleep.

Item #77 - Go to the park

During the first movie we had a lot of things go on with breakfast and a friend coming to stay the day with us so I took the kids over to the park for a little play time just as they were sorting the students. When we got back they were more than ready to sit down and enjoy the first movie.

Item #29 - Play Frisbee

After the first movie the the kids needed to get out again, so we went downstairs to play a little frisbee! It was fun, got the kids running, and was still not too hot! But we came back in wanting water and rest! Perfect for the next movie!

Item # 28 - Have a picnic

A perfect way to get away after movie number two was lunch, and with the heat starting to take over we decided to take it outside. DH was tired so we left him at home with the infant I was watching and I took the other kids to an open area of grass. But the heat had us hightailing it back home to lay the younger ones down for a nap and start the next movie!

Item #33 - Blow Bubbles

With movie number 3 done the little ones began waking up from their naps and one of them was about to go home, so we stepped out onto the porch for a little fun! We have an old bubble-sax that we obtained in a garage sale, so we poured in the liquid and made a little music, with each of the kids getting a turn.

And after the last movie we took the kids (our two and the lovely miss Jayden who is practically ours) over to the pool for a little sunset swim. The water was warm and a little high since it had just rained, but it wasn't too hot outside. So we enjoyed some family time there. (Sorry no pictures because we were not sure if we were going to get caught in rain!)

All in all it was a great day! We checked off a lot of items and got to enjoy the company of a friend who we don't get to see as often anymore. And then there is the joy of sharing something you love so much with your kids. I found myself watching Jareth more often than the movies to see his reaction to things. Maybe in a few years when Livia is old enough to get the movies we will have another marathon! I look forward to that as much as I did to this day that was 2 weeks in the planning.

Have you had a movie series marathon with your little ones? Or are you looking forward to sharing some particular fandom that you love and can't wait to get them caught up in? It will be Lord of The Rings for us next year! It's so much fun!

[Note: We will be finishing the series over the next few days, Jareth and I since DH has work. I will post another blog on Sat about the last four hunt items and Jareth's final take on the series!]

4th of July Celebration

List Items #2 and #81

(Unforunately DH was unable to attend due to work. Our first family event without him :(  )

Every year we gather at my parents' house in the country, located on 2+ acres of land outside of city limits it is the perfect place to have a 4th of July party! There are always plenty of people gathered, a lot of laughter, and the fireworks are always interesting (usually accompanied by at least one small "incident" to keep us on our toes and give us something to talk about until the next holiday involving explosives!) This year however plans were changed due to unfortunate events, and so we decided to move the party to a local festival. So after having dinner with my Dad and Stepmom, we packed the kids up and trekked out to Tioga for some fun. 

List Item #81 - Attend a festival

With some booths set up, donations for the local Fire Department, and an awesome live band, we were glad to be able to attend this festival. We took blankets and chairs to set out a spot to watch the fireworks, and spent the time talking to friends and letting the kids run themselves ragged! They were so happy that NaNa got them glow sticks!

And with the place growing increasingly crowded, Jareth discovered a new friend when the girl next to us got her own light stick and joined in the chase! Over the next hour or so as we waited for dark, Jareth and the little girl (whose name I failed to catch) discovered more things they had in common between rounds of tag. And when the fireworks did start, they were eager to share a blanket and talk about the night.

Item # 2- Watch the fireworks

Livia and I cuddle on the blanket and watched the fireworks going off nearly above our heads. It was a wonderful display that seemed to go on forever in beautiful colors that lit of the sky. I loved watching Livia point to the sky as her favorite went off and hearing Jareth and his new friend talking about the just behind me. A memory that will forever stay with me is the sound of little voices talking as the little girl commented :"This has been the best day." And Jareth replied with "Yeah, for me too."

It was an amazing night and the kids had such a blast! I hope everyone of you had a wonderful night as well! Can I ask, did anyone else tear up at the festivities? Maybe it is coming from Texas with a strong since of loyalty to state that made me so gushy, but I couldn't help shedding a few tears as they sang the national anthem and the fireworks began. Maybe I am of a dying breed of Americans that feels a strong sense of pride as the fireworks go off and I can't help letting my overactive imagination drift to thoughts of the war we fought for freedoms we all seem to take for granted. Whatever it is, last night was one of those nights that touches my heart every year, and I hope I am not the only one! 

So I will leave you with a few pictures of fireworks that won't do the show justice. Feel free to share yours, or your feelings about this time of the year. Just remember, keep it sweet! Love you all! And a Happy Independence Day to you!