While I was silent

On Friday, April 17th, I participated in the Day of Silence. It is a youth movement meant to draw attention to those that feel they must remain silent about their sexuality, as well as their allies. I'm not considered "youth" any more but I thought I would partake in the day since I was unable to when I was in fact in high school. I was surprised to find that a number of things came to light for me.

1. The first thing I had to do was explain to my kids what I was doing and why, the night before. My 3 yr old had no clue what was going on, not fully, but she still told me she would help me be quiet (which has now been added to one of the cutest phrases I have heard from her lips). My 8 yr old was excited by the thought behind the day. Suddenly he wanted to participate because he felt that the way his classmates pick on him is bullying and feels the need to draw their attention to it. I talked him down, but on Monday we will be asking his teacher if she will be willing to allow him to have a DoS on Friday. We are asking because he is young, it will be difficult, we don't want to disrupt the class, and well, we want to give her a heads up. Of course if he does this it will be for bullying and harrassment in general, not simply the LGBTQA+ cause, although that is what caught his attention.

2. It's easy to ignore most people, to not respond, to get them to understand things with hand gestures and simply pointing. Not a 3 yr old, who surprisingly remembered what was going on and was soon ok with me not talking. But this meant me having to do a lot more for her since I couldn't simply tell her to do it herself or go get Daddy. I must also say, it was one day when I was extremely glad I took the time to teach my kids some sign language when they were little.
Anyway, it was very hard not to randomly blurt out how cute she was, how silly she was acting, how much I love her. While today was about bullying, I couldn't help but think about the number of voices permanently silenced due to suicide. How many mothers out there don't get to say these same things to their own children because they were taken from them when they could no longer bare the harrassment? I nearly cried a few times just staring at my daughter. I'm sure it is something that will stick with me for a while.

3. Which leads me to my own mother. Nearly every morning she sends me a sweet little text sayign "Good morning. How are you doing?" It is a bright spot in my day. Today the text read "I know you can't speak, but I wanted to say hi." It put a huge smile on my face. My mother is a Christian, a very sweet, loving, Christ-like Christian. Something I have found is rare. She has one daughter that is openly pagan and another that is openly gay. And she texts them every morning asking how they are, sending a little support my way when I choose to back a cause she may not feel fully comfortable with. Because she is amazing. I have found a small group of people who are the same and I have pulled them in close over the years, so happy to have found them after too many years of being tormented for my beliefs. Today reminded me that there are those out there willing to overlook the differences and offer kindness.

4. And thus that last little hit home for me. I was bullied for much of my life. Even back when I still practiced Christianity, I was in a bigger school system where I was in fact in the minority for my beliefs. I was looked down on and laughed at. When I found my way to Paganism we were in the process of moving to a small town that currently has 6 churches for the small population to choose from. Once more I was the minority, the outcast, the one on the recieving end of the notion that we should "just string 'em up and let them burn." I hate to admit but while dealing with the slurs and comments I didn't pay any attention as my sister came out gay. I can only hope her popularity saved her from the worst of it.
When Facebook first started, back when you actually needed and .edu email to log in, I was still trying to get to know my new college acquantances. I told my roommate I was pagan before moving day so she could leave if she wanted, she asked that I hide my books until after her parents left. I did. I told my Welcome group that it meant I was polythiestic and got all kinds of excited at the World Cultures reading list for it's diversity, but I rarely talked to all but one of the other members as soon as it stopped being mandatory. After a heated debate the second semester about boundries involved in religion, conversion, caring for others souls, some stopped talking to me completely. So I always watched my posts on FB. Years later I found that I hesitated before every repost, wondering if someone would be offended o disgusted. I reread every update for any signs of my beliefs, knowing I had friends and family that disagreed or even worse, didn't know. It wasn't until my stepmom informed me that her father, the preacher, already knew about my religion, after we had gotten back from staying with him on vacation where he never said a word and was so sweet to me. Holy crap, I could say what I wanted because those that mattered no longer cared!
I was silent for too many years, unable to voice my real opinions and beliefs! Suddenly I could say what I wanted. So I started doing that. I repost little link about Pagan Pride Day. I "like" that article about dealing with depression and mental health. I shared that video about the couples behind an X-Ray kissing. I am not in your face pagan and I don't have only gay friends. But I am me and I no longer hide that.
So today when I couldn't get on Facebook and point out how I am reminded of why I worship the Sun when I am lucky enough to catch a sunrise like this morning, I was very caught off gaurd and a little anxious. I simply couldn't imagine having to go back to being silent about who I am. So why must our youth feel they have to be silent?

Think about all the voices you don't hear.

Thank you to everyone that respected my decision to partake in this event. Thank you to everyone who has made sure that I do not have to be silent the other 364 days of the year. Thank you to everyone who has spoken out about bullying and harrassment for whatever cause. 

I hope you feel you can speak up. Remember, you can always talk to me.

ALS - Ice Bucket Challenge

Well, by now you must have seen a ton of videos of everyone doing the Ice Bucket Challenge, and if not, wow, where have you been? Everyone from random strangers in their pool or back yard to big name celebrities such as Bill Gates, Sir Patrick Stewart, and Misha Collins have partaken in this event of epic proportions. Whole casts of shows to sports teams to families! We spent an hour clicking from one YouTube video to another watching all our favorite actors and big names getting doused with buckets of ice water.
But do you know why? I knew it was for ALS but was unsure of what that was exactly. Then I heard Lou Gehrig's Disease and I was a little less unsure, but still in the dark. Jareth had no clue what it was about. So we sat down to find out what this was all for. Let me share what we found out:
What is ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease)?Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), often referred to as "Lou Gehrig's Disease," is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. Motor neurons reach from the brain to the spinal cord and from the spinal cord to the muscles throughout the body. The progressive degeneration of the motor neurons in ALS eventually leads to their death. When the motor neurons die, the ability of the brain to initiate and control muscle movement is lost. With voluntary muscle action progressively affected, patients in the later stages of the disease may become totally paralyzed.(Straight from the ALSA.org website.)Need a visual to go with this explination? The following link is one man's challenge video. It starts out silly and fun, but soon takes a more serious turn. I agree with everyone who says this one video may be all you need to see to understand not only the reasons behind the Ice Bucket Challenge but the disease behind it.It is being called  The last Ice Bucket Challenge video you need to see. Other stories, testimonies, realities of those that live with ALS can be found on the ALSA.org site under See The Faces of ALS.


Why the Ice Bucket Challenge?
So, from what I have gathered, here is the origin story, more or less. (Please note that if you know any of my information to be incorrect you can comment and I will make sure it is changed! Thank you!) The Ice Bucket Challenge has a very ambiguous beginning. However it seems to have stepped to the forefront in mid-2013 as a way for participants to raise awareness and donations for cancer charities. However,on June 30 of this year Morning Drive hosted the first on air challenge, attributing the event to golfers as it began to spread throughout that community. Suddenly former Boston College baseball player Pete Frates, who has ALS began to take to Twitter to get the word out. With his connections not only through sports but the organization itself, Frates gave the challenge a face for people to rally behind.  Soon the challenge began gaining ground as people began to revel in the thought of watching others partake in this shivvering event! Bigger names began to be tossed into the mix; even President Obama was challenged, although he declined, instead giving money.

How does it help ALS?
That answer is two-fold. The rules of the challenge state that participants have two choices: They can take the challenge and challenge others or they can donate $100 to ALS charities. Most participants choose to do both, most simply giving a smaller donation once they have been doused in water. (Us for example could only give $20, but we gave.) So either way, the cause is receiving much needed funds. 
This challenge is also raising awareness. As I stated, I did not know what ALS was in the beginning. Not only do I now know, my son does, and my stepmom, and my husband, and my sister. Hopefully the gamers my son challenged now know, along with their YouTube followers. Many of my friends have partaken in this, challenging their friends and family. The pastor at our Cowboy church joked about the challenge at a Sunday baptism because the water was so cold. He was challenged within the week and posted the video to the church's Facebook page, now the congregation knows.
By no means was ALS a secret before all this! However, with the average number of cases in the US only being around 30,000, not enough people seem to be effected by the reality of it to bring it the attention it needs. This disease slowly eats away at the host, leading to paralysis over the years. And yet there is only one medication out there to modestly slow the progress. That is not enough! 

Does the challenge work?
Last year $2.6 million dollars were raised over the course of time that the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has brought in new donors this year. It may seem like a lot but it is nothing compared to what needs to be done to help research and development of medicines. How much has been raised this year? In the same amount of time? Due to the publicity of the Ice Bucket Challenge?:

$88.5 Million (number as of Aug. 26th)

1.9 million NEW donors have given to the cause. That means that between last year and this 1.9 million people have been informed and convinced to donate to the cause. 

Let that sink in for a moment.

It's not just ALS!
I must also say that this is not all about ALS. There have been numerous people that have taken the challenge and given to charities that mean more to them. As I said, ALS does not effect everyone. 
ALS does not effect my family. Do you know what does? Parkinson's. My grandmother has been diagnosed and dealt with it for many years now. My father's hands shake more than may be normal. I will one day be tested and may have to watch my children develop signs as they get old. So why did I give to ALS? Because Parkinson's has some big names in their ranks who make it a point to give a lot to the cause. Many advances have been made in the years since Michael J. Fox stepped up and showed people what this disease was. (Much like the Ice bucket Challenge is doing now!) ALS is also a neurodegenerative disease, as is Parkinson's, which means that any advances in discovering how it acts could potentially aid those studying Parkinson's. This sounds like a win/win to me. 

How do you help?
You don't have to wait to be challenged! Step up and dump your own bucket of ice on yourself and call out 3 friends! Or just donate! Go to ALSA.org and find out what you need to know and do what you need to do! Every bit helps! Get the ball rolling!

Or make the turn and bring another cause to the forefront! Who says that ALS should be the only cause we call out. I think it would be absolutely wonderful if as all the hype dies down we pick another insanely fun thing to do (people complain but stepping into ice water in this Texas heat was refreshing for Jareth) for another cause! Get out there and be the one that says "This effects me and this is what I want to do about it!" 

Our Challenges:
As I said, my stepmother took the challenge from a friend. She called out my son! Here is her video. That's my Dad taking too much pleasure from dousing her!

 And so Jareth did it. He challenged two gamers that he follows on YouTube and Twitter as well as my sister, Amanda! And boy did he have fun!

Further Links:
Forbes Talks About Why it's not Stupid
The Numbers by ALSA.org
More Info from Wiki
Some other Ice bucket challenges

Why I Am Letting My 7 yr old On Facebook

My son says some pretty crazy things. A lot of my own Facebook posts are his quotes, our conversations, or descriptions of his latest ideas and adventures. Many times I have been told to make a group for everyone to read and share their own stories of my son's antics. But I am a writer with two blogs and my own Facebook page, keeping up with yet another page was not going to make the project fun for me. Then I realized, my son is seven years old! Perfectly capable of writing his own updates and sharing his favorite YouTube videos with family he doesn't see often enough. So why couldn't he have his own Facebook page to update as he wanted and see what those family members posted in return. Facebook has serious privacy settings for a reason, although no one uses them these days, and they make it pretty hard for outsiders to see a person's content (yes I have tried to stalk people and run into those said walls). And right now my son is used to my constant monitoring, hovering over his shoulder as he plays Wild Krats games on my laptop. Until he is much older he won't know the privacy of his own computer, and right now he doesn't contest that rule. So why wait until he is thirteen, stubborn, wanting to post what is cool, avoiding his parents, and most likely to get into trouble. No. Instead I will give him an account that only I know the password to. Warn him that everyone in the family can see whatever he says. And get him used to behaving appropriately on the internet which so many young people abuse these days.

And why is this concept such a bad thing? What happened to expecting more from our children and teaching them responsibility and consequence? My son will one day be a contributing member of society, I think now is an excellent time to begin instilling in him the morals and values to make him someone I will be proud of.

So I am stepping out of society's comfort zone to try to help the next generation. If I am wrong, expect a letter of apology on here in ten years. But then I don't see others apologizing for some of the teens I see these days. Parenting is a trial and error experiment with much higher stakes than some would like to admit. I am hoping to change the world through my kids. Just wish me luck.

Discovery

I think one of the most amazing things about being a parent is discovering who these little people will become. You get to be the first to find out their likes and dislikes, the quirks on their attitudes, what makes them unique in every way! And to me that is one of the best parts of raising a child. Which is also one of my biggest problems with some advice from others. So many times I have had people tell me that if we push Jareth toward something he will learn to like it: food, certain sports, a TV show, or other interests. I have always been resistant to any type of "leading" behavior, instead going about my life as I normally would and just hoping that Jareth would see something that he liked. (The only exception being that I read to him every night when he was younger, picking books he would not have for himself to challenge him).

In this way I have discovered that Jareth prefers hockey to football, but he likes it much better in person. He loves bright upbeat music ("Count on Me" by Bruno Mars) but also loves anything by Imagine Dragons ("Radioactive" and "Demons" being his top two). He happens to like all the superheros I despise (Spiderman and Batman being his top two). His favorite food is grilled sandwiches, one of my least favorite to make.

By letting Jareth figure out things for himself he has developed one very unique person with some things he has in common with me and my husband and some things that are all his own. I love hearing him say that he loves something, reading for instance, and knowing that it is all him, something we have in common because he is drawn to it, not because I pushed it so heavily on him. (Yes I did read to him for a while at night, but once he got to the point where he could pick I would let him choose which book, if any, we would read.) It is a thrilling thing for me.

I see it also with Livia. She is a very special child, crazy is the best way I describe it. But there  are times amid the chaos (something I swear I never endured with Jareth) when I see bits of me. The way she dances around in circles. The way she just loves to run outside barefoot onto the grass (something Jareth also does). Or the way she curls up in a chair with a baby-doll and a book to read like Mommy. It was also astonishing that after trying five different types of sandwiches the one that she finally liked is peanut butter and honey, one that I have never had but watched my father make so often.

As parents we are responsible for making these little people into productive members of society. We are supposed to teach them manners, values, respect, and responsibility. So after pushing all that on them why do we have to make them eat a carrot three times a week until they "learn" to like it? Why not just realize that corn is the one veggie they will eat for a few years and one day they will discover something else and realized they missed out for so long. Why do they have to listen to Radio Disney when there are tons of awesome songs with a message on our stations? Just because society thinks that one is healthier? Or that parents are supposed to do certain things with their kids? No thank you. I am working on raising individuals.

So my seven year old has a zombie survival plan and my two year old thinks "Can't Hold Us" is awesome dance music. I am good with that. At least they know not to eat with their elbows on the table and would never dream of talking back! Yeah, I am good with that.